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Tag Archives: faith

Rewind: The friendship of trials

17 Tuesday Apr 2012

Posted by michael718 in Essays, Michael, Scripture

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

christian poetry, faith, James 1, longings end, michael kimball, religion, spirituality, trials

(The following post first appeared on our blog of May 6, 2011)

When all kinds of trials and temptations crowd into your lives, my brothers, don’t resent them as intruders, but welcome them as friends! Realise that they come to test your faith and to produce in you the quality of endurance. But let the process go on until that endurance is fully developed, and you will find you have become men of mature character, men of integrity with no weak spots. And if, in the process, any of you does not know how to meet any particular problem he has only to ask God – who gives generously to all men without making them feel guilty – and he may be quite sure that the necessary wisdom will be given him. But he must ask in sincere faith without secret doubts. For the man who doubts is like a wave of the sea, carried forward by the wind one moment and driven back the next. That sort of man cannot hope to receive anything from the Lord, and the life of a man of divided loyalty will reveal instability at every turn. (James 1:2-8, J.B. Phillips)

According to James, I’d better rouse the welcoming committee. I’ve got more friends than I imagined and they keep dropping by uninvited. In fact, my life is getting downright crowded. These friends of mine have a voracious appetite. Oh, it’s not that I’m in any danger of running low on milk, bread, or any other staple. These guys subsist on a steady diet of nerves. And it seems to me that some of them have been around an awfully long time. Of course, these “friends” I’m alluding to are trials. Can you relate?

I can only assume, as followers of Christ, that these friends are custom-made for us and each has a divine commission to teach and bring about in us something of eternal importance. If we are to welcome them, this must be so. But I admit to it being an unnatural mind set! At first blush, they certainly look and feel more like intruders than friends. And stubborn! There’s no quit in them – not until they’ve completed their assignment in full.

James gives us insight into the nature of this assignment of theirs and it appears twofold: to test our faith, and to produce endurance.

It is important to realize that apart from the trials our loving Father sends we have no means in and of ourselves to accurately gauge the faith we at times so confidently profess. We might believe our faith is robust, that we have taken God at His word at every turn and are growing steadily in our convictions concerning His character. That more and more, we are able to trust in His faithfulness in all things and that our obedience to Christ is ever increasing. But how in the world would we know if all this were true unless it were tested and proven to be genuine? Apart from trials, we wouldn’t know. And as Jesus Himself is true, He is pleased to lead us into all truth – including the truth about the tensile strength of our own supposed convictions.

Let’s suppose we are avid divers who love to explore ocean reefs. We have heard about a magnificent reef off the coast of some island in the Pacific and have been invited to join a group of fellow divers for a week long expedition, all expenses paid. There’s just one catch. The reef is inhabited by a large number of aggressive sharks. Furthermore, a company who is looking to patent a new shark repellant is picking up our expenses. If it proves as effective as the company claims, the US Navy is ready to place a massive order. The company has conducted a number of controlled tests but we are to be the first to test the product in the open sea under natural conditions. We’ve reviewed all the data from the previous tests and the findings look impressive. But as we near the dive zone, we can’t shake the nagging apprehension. In our mind, a single question pounds away over and over again: Can I really risk my life on this stuff?

Trying to hide our uneasiness, we smear the repellant on our wetsuits. And with weak grins, drop over the side into the world below the waves. A glance back up through the water at the boat reveals others on board busily ladling chum over the side to attract the sharks.

It doesn’t take long before we catch sight of massive, steel gray bodies. Sharks! Pulses rocket. Safety precautions have been set up in the event the repellant doesn’t live up to its laboratory record. The thought is small comfort when compared to the presence of these awesome giants, these swimming challenges to our convictions! Trials in the form of razor-toothed predators.

Get the picture? Only God knows the difference between what we believe and what we believe, and He is pleased to reveal it to us through the agency of trials.

In our shark story, perhaps we had even played an actual role in the invention and development of the shark repellant. We may have been so impressed we invested heavily in the company’s stock, so confident were we in the early laboratory findings. But until we slipped over the side and risked our very life on the repellant’s reputation, our convictions remained passive theory. But as we clamber back into the boat after a personal, highly successful ocean trial, we find ourselves slapping high-fives, giddy with euphoria, champing at the bit to support our previous convictions with the fiery passion born of personal experience. We now know what we had previously only supposed we knew. The trial made all the difference in the world.

This ability of trials to prove, to accurately reveal what we truly believe about God is one of the reasons we ought to look upon them as friends rather than intruders. It is no good believing things about God only to find our convictions ringing hollow when the Great Whites begin to circle round about!

Besides the proving of our faith, James also points out that trials produce endurance. He says that fully developed endurance produces mature character and integrity, eliminating “weak spots”.

From a strictly human perspective, this is scary talk! Fully developed endurance? This doesn’t sound easy. And in real life, it isn’t. (I can only suppose, too, that there is also an eternal need for endurance. That this characteristic has a purpose after this life.)

God desires that we become more and more like Jesus who is our example in everything. The apostle Paul tells us in his letter to the Romans that God has predestined us to become conformed to the image of Christ. (Rom 8:29) This is where He is leading us. This is the great uncompromising goal of our Heavenly Father, the end result we can absolutely count on because He, who cannot lie, has promised.

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. (Phil 1:6 NASB, emphasis mine)

Trials as friends? Yes! As difficult, painful, and distressing as they sometimes are because they prove our faith and produce mature Christ-like character in us – if we are willing to embrace them for the purpose God sent them to us to achieve.

James also points out that in the midst of trials, we may find ourselves wondering what we should do. Inspired by the Holy Spirit, he gives us a simple solution: ask God. It makes sense. After all, God has arranged for the trial and is using it to accomplish His purposes. His ways are higher than our own, terribly so. Without the wisdom that comes from God how are we to rightly weave our way through the trial? The Lord is both the Author of the trial and our Navigator through it. We are utterly dependent upon Him. Human wisdom will not suffice to see us through. We must ask our Father to share with us His wisdom, to provide guidance for our response to the trial. James points out that He is only too willing to do so – generously, without reservation, and with no strings attached save one: that our asking springs from sincere faith. A faith undiluted by “secret doubts”.

Let me confess here and now that I am one who struggles with doubt. I would like to say that all my convictions regarding Christianity are rock solid and I stand in the howling winds of trials without so much as a waver. The fact of the matter is that an untidy, lengthy, and often uncomfortable process has forged the things I believe in most strongly.

For the most part, it begins with a mental acceptance of information coming my way from the intake of Scripture; either from reading the Bible or listening to one of God’s servants who is using the Bible as the authority for his teaching. Believing that the Scriptures are the inspired word of Almighty God, I accept what it tells me as absolutely true. However, I find that like the laboratory results hailing the effectiveness of the shark repellant, my acceptance of this absolute truth falls short of permeating every fiber of my being. It is factually true in the realm of knowledge, but I need it (and I believe God wants it) to become true experientially, permeating to the depths of my soul. I need to be baptized into the truth itself. It is not the philosophy of religion that interests our Lord but rather the reality of the relationship between the Savior and the redeemed. Didn’t Job say as much when he cried, “I have heard of Thee by the hearing of the ear; But now my eye sees Thee!” (Job 42:5 NASB) And again, when David declares, “O taste and see that the LORD is good…” (Psa 34:8 NASB)

There is no substitute for a first-hand witness. All else is mere hearsay. Yet if He demands a sincere faith and doubting serves as an impediment to gaining God’s wisdom, what are folks like me to do? I think the author of the letter to the Hebrews provides key insight into the answer.

And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him. (Heb 11:6 NASB)

In approaching God, we are told that we must believe two things. First, we must believe that He exists. It seems almost absurd to imagine someone kneeling to pray without believing that God exists to hear his or her prayer! But a more thoughtful examination exposes the human propensity to hedge our bets, to “sort of believe” in a “higher power” or “the man upstairs”. Or worse yet, to pray to a god of our own making and imagination instead of what Francis Schaeffer referred to as “the God who is there”. The One who knows our hearts knows full well and if, when we pray, we do so with the conviction of His eternal, personal reality.

The second requirement is a conviction that God rewards those who seek Him. In short, that He answers prayer. Perhaps not in the impoverished way that would please us superficially, but wonderfully, in a perfect way that brings about the greatest good and glorifies His wonderful name.

On the other hand, the one who harbors secret doubts, says James, is in for the ride of his life! Like flotsam on the boiling surface of an angry sea, he is driven forward one moment and backward the next. He is a man who should give up any idea of receiving “anything from the Lord”, for he is someone of divided loyalty, a man with two wavering minds, unstable, inconsistent and restless, wavering back and forth in everything he does.

Frankly, I’ve been identifying far too long with the doubter. Because God doesn’t speak to me audibly or write on my wall, I too often wonder if I’m really hearing from Him correctly. God (and others) knows what a terrible fool I am apart from Him! I secretly hedge my bets and keep a safety line tethered to the world in case God should fail me. In fact, I sincerely believe that it is because of my long-standing struggle with doubting that the Spirit has led me to this passage in James and nailed my nose to the page. I can almost hear the Lord saying to me, Michael! Michael! You have been a double-minded man of divided loyalty long enough. Either I AM, and every word I have spoken is true and you can bet your life on it without fear, or I’m an “almost” god, comfortable to be around but incapable of living up to my claims. By grace, I’ve given you overwhelming evidence of the truth. Quit wavering between two minds!

God grant us grace. I do believe; help my unbelief! May we all grow into the most sincere faith, fragrant and pleasing to the Lord.

When trials come our way, as Christians may we realize that our Heavenly Father has allowed them to come, that each one fits perfectly into His plan for molding us into the image of our Elder Brother, Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ. They are the day’s lesson plan in the home school of life and we are thus encouraged to welcome them as friends that they might do their work. If we are lacking in wisdom as to how to handle a trial, we have only to turn to the Father and ask Him for guidance. But we must be convinced that He is there to listen to our prayers and is eager to help. He is a good and faithful Father! He knows our frailty and that apart from Him we are helpless.

© M.D. Kimball   November, 2002  (This writing may be freely copied in its entirety without prior permission from the author.)

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A stirring ache…

13 Friday Apr 2012

Posted by michaelsgirl718 in General, Sheila

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

christianity, Easter, faith, Finger Lakes, God's faithfulness, Hoagy Carmichael, Jesus, Keuka Lake, Lion of Judah, longings end, religion, sheila kimball, Southern Tier NY, spirituality, Stardust, transformation, Wellsboro Diner

Maybe it was the walk in the hills.  The two of us, hand in hand on a lonely stretch of country road.

Or the picnic by the pond, sun warming our backs and not another soul in sight.

Or the tree tops, wind whipped, sounding like a far away bamboo chime hanging from the hand of God.

Maybe it was walking across the footbridge, Chemung River sparkling at sunset.  Horizon whisked clean by a rain shower that crisped the clouds, and Dearest Husband pulling me close, shield against the brisk early evening.

Or the simple meal shared in the landmark 1939 Wellsboro Diner, gas street lamps lighting the picturesque village as heavenly shades of night were falling.

Or perhaps it was the crystal clear waters of Keuka Lake – where legend has it Hoagy Carmichael penned his famous melody “Stardust” in 1927 — and seeing the finger of God all over this beautiful Finger Lake.

Or maybe it was just You, my Father.

You in all these lovely things…

Hand-painted, heart-touching gifts during Easter weekend, filling my basket to the brim, each one as pretty as a brightly colored egg.  Each one tugging at my heartstrings, drawing me in.

And me able to hear Your whispers easily with a heart less cluttered. Away.

Far from the madding crowd and the going through the motions of everyday existence. Where work and bills and responsibilities pile high, attempting to smother Your life giving breath.

Making me short of breath.

The breath of Your spirit.  Breath of Life.  True essence. The one You created me to express.

Nugget of art placed dream deep within my heart.  One tiny little chip in Your mosaic masterpiece. Wisps of color that together display the hue and cry of Your great Love.

Creating unique, one of a kind living works of art in each of us to bless the world and neighbor next door.

And that nugget, with the chewy center I’ve nibbled on far too long without fully digesting and assimilating, is the scrumptious flavor of my life in You.

Yet in all its gooey goodness, fear tethers me to a crippling daily doze. Performed by rote, without thinking; automaton sometimes doubting there is an alternative.

Jeremiah plans for me {and you} are more real than what I see.  When holding fast to Truth, I am energized.  Heart takes flight like a glider soaring soundlessly on the wings of the wind above Harris Hill in the Southern Tier.

Free falling into Your everlasting arms. Those arms that have never once let me go…Not once.

And when I really listen with my heart to Your softly spoken words of love and life then I am living in the center of Your will.  The most alive.

Dreams coming true…hearts being mended, both mine and others.

And this is the truth that stirs an ache in my heart…

The truth I want to be…

With You, like You, living with passion beyond the constraints of life in a box with a blinking screen.

Oh, deep ache of delirious pain, give no rest till I break free.

So that what I long for…You…is found more than ever before, and Life like a fountain, gushes.

Purpose fulfilled as worship. Your glory shining through my tear stained, dirt smudged earthen vessel. The glory of the risen Lord, Jesus Christ. Son of the Living God. Made man that the Father might be revealed to us in all His immense, unending, tenderhearted love.

Keep stirring the ache that echoes, my Lord.

Even though my Jesuschick-enlittle heart beats faint when Your plans stir the pot, status quo bubbling over. Help me abandon all practicalities which bind me to this shadow life.

Lion of Judah, roar what is real.  Devour doubt, deafening its taunts. Fill me with fire, power and courage.

So that trusting You {clinging when I shake scared} I’ll go where You lead and do what You have called me to do.

And the echo I hear will be the desire of my heart calling back to You.

Two hearts as One, beating wildly as life abundant pulsates with possibilities…
~sheila

Photo credits
Hands by our good friend David Polczynski
Lion compliments of Stillmaza

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Embraceable change…

12 Monday Mar 2012

Posted by michaelsgirl718 in General, Sheila

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

change, christianity, divorce, faith, God's faithfulness, growth, healing, hope, hurts, Jesus, longings end, loss, love, pain, religion, sheila kimball, sin, single mom, spirituality, transformation

He always said, change is good.

I had countered with, change is scary.

Not soon after, he changed his address…

And thus began my journey into the greatest period of change I had ever known. In the twinkling of an eye I went from being a stay-at-home mom and wife, to a single mom of three little boys scrounging to survive.

Shell shocked from having my world crash and burn, I limped along trying to make sense of it all. For two days all I could do was lie on the sofa, change the youngest one’s diapers, make mac and cheese and pop in a new video. And at night, I cried myself to sleep in a cold and lonely bed.

But, on the third day, I got off the sofa, dressed, put on some lipstick and realized I had to be strong for the sake of my sons. Adept at wearing masks in those days, I looked like I was coping well — keeping my head above water, the household running smoothly, helping the boys with school work, never missing church, arranging playdates, all while interviewing attorneys and seeking counseling.

Grace alone…

When I recall those days, which turned into years as an unwanted divorce was contested, I shake my head wondering how in the world was I able to breathe after such a radical and traumatizing change?

Jesus.

And His arms circled round me in a loving embrace.

If it wasn’t for Him scraping me off the semi’s grill and breathing new life into me, I would not be writing these words.

And change I did, but let me assure you there was A LOT in me that needed fixing. And I did not surrender easily. I went kicking and screaming.

The course wasn’t exactly linear, either. It was up and down, zig zag, turn around and start all over again change. And it was exhausting, taking its toll on my health and more.

Sin is never accomplished in a vacuum. It always seeps out, tainting those around us. And the innocent little children shall suffer. Which broke my heart. And theirs…

So suffer them, and us, to come to Jesus. Just Jesus. Always Jesus. The One who is the same yesterday, today and forever.

Praise God.

Would you not agree that we all live in a microwaveable, use it, abuse it, toss it away kinda world where the notion of recycling, restoring and rejuvenating seems far less attractive than acquiring something new? Relationships are no exception.

God have mercy.

Let’s thank Him that His ways are higher than ours and His thoughts are not our own. His plans are much loftier than ours. But they always involve change as we work out our sanctification with fear and trembling.

Jesus is changing us.

From the inside out.

And He will often allow our lives to go belly up in pursuit of what’s real. The real me and the real you that He created us to be.

These changes are growing pains. They hurt us. But they will not harm us if we yield the pain to Him and learn our lessons well.

Sometimes, though, we prefer summer school. Take me, for instance. Once around the block, falling off and scraping my knees, was not enough. I needed to repeat my lessons. Hard head!

My Patient School Master waited.

Forebearing with my foolishness until I was ready to cry “Uncle!”

When I did, He was right there. Actually, He had never gone anywhere.

He pulled me in close, dusted me off and set my feet on higher ground. Holding my hand, steadying me, He taught me how to walk. Closely, with Him leading the Way.

Lessons in the moments, He continues to refine my life.

And, bless God, I am not the same woman I was at 34 – controlling, selfish, mouthy and looking for love in all the wrong places.

Now I look for Him. I want Him. And I want to give Him all of me. But, I still can hold on to me, too. Still!

Sweet Jesus, in your mercy, gently pry my fingers free…

And when the sun rises tomorrow God willing…

I will lay down my life again. Pick up my cross, grow in grace, give to the poor, keep the peace, turn the other cheek, care for widows and orphans, pray, submit, and the list of lessons goes on. All with the ultimate goal of teaching me how to love God with all I am and to love my neighbors well. (And even though we have been doing these things for years, there is always more to learn as we heal, grow and change.)

So, I purpose to keep my heart open to change. I am not in control. He is. And it’s best to accept that Father truly knows best, which means sometimes I won’t get what I want. At least, in the feeble estimation of my own heart, what I think I want.

Hold loosely to the things of this world, cling to Christ.

And as my faith in Him grows stronger, I will take a chance when change is on the horizon and risk it all, if that is what He wants.

Without faith, though, this is impossible. And I won’t please Him. A lack of faith means fear crouches at my door, needing to be vanquished by Love. Only by Love…

Perfect Love, which casts out all fear, I bid you sweetly come…
~sheila

 

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Twenty five years and counting…

08 Thursday Mar 2012

Posted by michaelsgirl718 in General, Sheila

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

christianity, faith, forgiveness, God's faithfulness, growth, healing, Jesus, longings end, loss, love, meaning of life, pain, religion, salvation, sheila kimball, sin, spirituality, transformation

Looking back, there’s learning. Lessons in the moments of my life over a long and winding road encompassing decades.

There’s also growth, change and healing amidst the stumbling and scrapping of knees, knees sometimes bent only after…

Twenty five years ago, just a crack at first, my heart opened and I bid Him come in. Actually, my heart was silently screaming to the Only One who could assuage the ache and settle the spirit. But in that bottomless, barbed wire, black ache, an anger burning hot and fueled by fear and hurt, held me hostage.

Learning to trust the hard way.

Fingers entwined, we began a journey of exploration and excavation. He unearthed things long buried. Sins, hurts, losses, pains, fears, all exhumed, brought to the surface, where the Light could heal.

And it has been a process for me. A steady stubbornness in a slippery direction. Others, Dearest Husband included, tell of a one-time major transformation. Of being brought out of darkness, then walking in Light. Like snapping a light switch.

That long ago March 8th morning — where three tiny sparrows perched and flitted in a bush outside the church while a gentle, spring-like breeze brushed my cheek and my first born slumbered inside me — I took a baby step on my meandering route, a breach birth of sorts, towards persevering after Christ every day.

None less valid for the long, intensive labor.

Was it my lacking in trust of His love or my fooling no one but myself pride that had me clinging to imposters? Whatever, always picking up again to carry on, one more time. One more time. One more time. Met each time by the everlasting arms of Unending Forgiveness, Unchanging Faithfulness, Enduring Patience, Lasting Love…

Somewhere at the end of 2009, once the dust had settled from another demolition derby of heart-wrenching loss compounded by sorrow-rendering sin, a realization: my life needed to be all or nothing. In Him totally, or not at all. Walk away from my past. No pillar of salt this time.

And there is something priceless that comes with age and experience: sight beyond the garden fenced, particulate parcel of your own existence, we gain a zoom focus on the larger realm, the others-land, the regal kingdom. And with it comes a modicum of wisdom, a clarifying view of the end of mortality.

Digging down deep into fertile soil, sowing a new batch of seed. Sequestered on high, alone with Him, a green house full of sprouts. Tiny seedlings growing stronger. First fruits foretelling, I pray, a fruitful second half of life and beyond. A bountiful harvest of good crops. Slow going and quiet, the Master Gardener tills and weeds and prunes so that only the most succulent, life giving fruit will form.

Hanging heavy on the vine, dripping with newest life. Bursting with flavor. A sweetness, rolled on the tongue and savored.

Quiet moments now, unlike the early days of chaos and drama. Youthful vigor, days full of activity with children to teach and boys bouncing off walls, and groceries to get and laundry and bills piled high. With daily problems to be solved as a single, surrounded by lots of noise and laughter, and a whole lot worse.

In Middle Heart, these mid-life years, now a peace, and the pull to Him grows stronger. My One and Only. My darling Jesus. The One who has held me through each and every storm. Each and every humble. Who has dried my tears as He has dried His own. Sweet Holy Spirit, how sorry I am for grieving You; hurting others made in Your image.

Stillness sometimes too great to bear swirls round a heart accustomed to craziness. Relearning life, to live in calm. And the voice that spoke so clearly in the days of drama, seemingly silent. A dark night of the soul, for sure, wrestling with leftover wreckage. Struggling in the still. With the unseen One ever close.

Surrender, slow and sweet, comes slowly. Into the Lover’s arms that have waited 25 years to completely possess.

Renewing tenderness, fears releasing, the Lord’s honeycomb of comely words to soothe my soul. Giving my heart a more grown up awareness of Truth and time and what is truly, vitally important.

And now, in a land that seems like forever in-between, I walk forward holding a new hand. The godly man God has sent. And we have rescued each the other. Out of our desperation and dinginess. Into Light and Love together, and our Longings End…

In Him.

Father, how can I ever thank you for parenting me all these years, for staying up late when I was afraid in the dark, for tucking me lovingly in, holding me through each heartbreak and forgiving me more than once this past quarter century? In this, our silver jubilee, let me sit at Your feet, drink in your holy beauty. Quietly, gently. Filling up and overflowing. You filling in any wrinkles, erasing the spots and blemishes so that I shine with Your Glory like never before.

And on this 25th anniversary of life with You, I renew my vows…I do.

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